A special proposal
by Indian Summer 2378
Summary: Ten months after Voyager's return someone opens Kathryn Janeway's eyes.
1. Monthly encounter

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.**

 **A huge thank you to KJaneway115 for her betaing!**

 **Summary: Ten months after Voyager's return someone opens Kathryn Janeway's eyes.**

* * *

"What do you think about that?"

Kathryn was obviously startled by Chakotay's suggestion. "I don't know... do you really want it?"

"Yes, if it's okay with you. I don't want to live in those Starfleet officer quarters anymore. I want something on my own." He looked at her while they were walking. "Something like you have."

"I understand but do you think it's a good idea to live in such close proximity to each other?"

"Yes why not?" He shrugged. "We lived in close proximity seven and a half years. And we would still have our own space."

"That is true."

Kathryn didn't know what to say. On one hand she wanted to have Chakotay near her like he had been in the Delta Quadrant, on the other she didn't know what to expect from this closeness. The two were friends, best friends, but what if this arrangement would be too close? Everyone needed time and space.

They walked on through the streets of San Francisco, silent.

"Kathryn if you don't want it I search for something else," he said as he recognized that she was becoming uncomfortable.

"No," she replied hastily. "I just don't know if it's a good idea. That's all."

"It's okay. I look for another apartment."

"You don't have to. Not now. Let me think about it." She smiled slightly at him and he nodded and smiled back before they turned around a corner.

For their former crew, Tom and B'Elanna, Harry with his new old girlfriend Libby, the Doctor and honorary crewmember Reg Barclay, it was nothing new that their former command team appeared together. They knew Kathryn and Chakotay were best friends and nothing more but they couldn't really understand why. The two were doing everything together since they got back and Chakotay broke up with Seven, except living together and having sex. It wasn't understandable, especially for Tom and B'Elanna, who knew how much Chakotay loved Kathryn through the first years after they got stranded. The topic was often discussed when one, Kathryn or Chakotay, wasn't present but both replied the same: "We are happy as we are". Tom and B'Elanna always shook their heads disbelievingly. It seemed that everybody knew they were in love, except for Kathryn and Chakotay.

The four former crewmates sat with Libby and Reg at a table in the corner of their favorite bar. Once in a month they met there for dinner. It felt good to have the Voyager family around even if they weren't complete. Every now and then other former crewmembers showed up and told what he or she had experienced through the last months but on this day it seemed that it was only the eight of them.

"Is it true that you saw Sam and Naomi last week, Doc?" Harry asked and took a sip of his beer.

"Yes."

"How are they?"

"They are doing fine. Naomi is really settled now, I think. She told me about her school and her new friends."

"That's great. I know how hard it was for her to adjust to life on earth," Tom said.

"Yes. The school, lots of other children and away from everyone and everything she ever knew. It scared her but she seems to have gone through that and is happy now."

"Good to hear. And Sam?" Tom took a handful of nuts and put it in his mouth before he spoke and earned an elbow in his ribs and a dangerous glance from his wife for it.

"She is pleased with her choice not to go back on a ship and has taken the job in Starfleet Headquarters instead."

"And her husband?"

"They don't live together yet but they are trying to find a way back into their relationship. She looked very happy when she talked about him."

At that moment Kathryn and Chakotay entered the bar and looked towards them.

"Ah, another couple who is not living together…," Tom whispered meaningful and waved in their direction.

"They aren't a couple," Harry hissed as the two made their way through the room.

"Yet, Harry. Yet," Tom patted his friends shoulder. "Kathryn! Chakotay!" he greeted his former command officers. "How are you?"

"Fine," Kathryn answered with a smile and greeted the others while B'Elanna noticed that Chakotay stood very close behind Kathryn and she could swear her shoulders touched his chest and he had his hand on the small of her back.

They sat, next to each other of course.

"What do you want to drink?" Chakotay asked Kathryn.

"Wine would be nice. Red."

"I'll get you one. Does anyone else want something?" he asked as he stood up again. Everyone, except the Doctor, said something.

"I'll help you," Tom laughed and joined Chakotay on his way to the bar.

"How are you?" Chakotay asked Tom as they ordered the drinks.

"Good, just a little out of sleep with a ten month old Klingon," Tom rubbed his face. "And you? Seems that you and Kathryn are closer than any time before…"

Chakotay sighed. "We had this conversation before Tom. We're fine." He knew exactly what Tom wanted to say.

"She maybe. But not you."

"I'm fine, too."

"You're not."

"How do you know?" Chakotay raised his eyebrows at Tom.

"I see it."

"You see what?"

"The way you look at her. The way you act around her. Admit it, Chakotay."

"There is nothing to admit. We are good friends, best friends."

"And you don't want more?" Tom asked unbelieving.

"No."

"What if she finds somebody else and moves away and has a family and children?"

"She doesn't want children and if she finds somebody who really loves her I'm happy for her," Chakotay replied firmly. "And if I find somebody who loves me and I love her then she will be happy for me," he added before Tom could say something.

"I don't understand you. When I think of the beginning of our journey…"

"Yes." Chakotay interrupted him. "If we would have got back earlier then maybe we would have started a relationship but now…"

"Now…?"

"It's too late."

"It's never too late."

"It is too late."

"No."

"You don't understand, Tom." Chakotay looked him straight in the eyes. "We don't have feelings for each other anymore."

"Is that true? Is that really true and you could really be happy for her if she finds someone?"

"Yes. Believe me Tom, _yes_."

Tom shook his head. He didn't believe him or maybe he just didn't want to believe him. He would do anything to get them together.

They got the drinks and settled back at the table.

"Thank you," Kathryn said as Chakotay handed her the drink. He grinned and sat down.

The Doctor told his story about Sam and Naomi again and after he was finished they ordered their dinner.

More and more people came into the bar and the air was soon filled with happy chattering.

As there was a lull in the conversation during their dinner B'Elanna looked at Kathryn. "I almost forgot that I wanted to ask you something!" She looked angry over to Tom. "You could have reminded me."

"Huh?" Tom looked surprised up from his plate.

"Ask," Kathryn said and put her fork in her mouth.

"Tom's sister's birthday is on Saturday and she invited us. Would you take Miral for the night?"

B'Elanna saw Kathryn's expression and knew she has asked the right person.

"Oh yeah," Kathryn beamed. "We can make a pajama party."

Harry and Tom exchanged an amused glance. Their former captain? A pajama party?

"Why don't you take her with you?" Harry asked from B'Elanna's side.

"There are no other kids at this party. It would be boring for her."

"When does the party starts?" Kathryn wanted to know.

"Err…," B'Elanna looked unsure at Tom who, like ever, had no idea why. "At 1100 hours."

"Good. I'll pick her up at 8. Is that fine?"

"0800 is great."

"It has to be a long party if you stay 'til Sunday," Chakotay noticed.

"Err… not exactly… we will be back in the evening."

"Then no sleeping over?" Kathryn asked disappointed.

"No, I mean yes… it's just…," B'Elanna struggled and even Tom didn't know why. "It would be nice if Miral could sleep at your place and I could have an evening alone with my husband." She smiled mischievously at Tom who gave her a surprised but wicked grin back.

"Oh, don't say more." Kathryn held her hand up and smiled knowingly. "I like to spend time with her."

"You say that now…," Tom winked.

"Thank you, Kathryn. If you need something you can call us."

"I know. But I think we will have fun." She smiled broadly at Chakotay.

"We can go to the park," he said not surprised that she thought they would babysit Miral together.

"Yes, to the playground!"

"And visit Voyager."

"Don't forget the pajama party!"

The others shook their heads amused as they watched them. None of their former crew was used to Chakotay and especially Kathryn being this relaxed and playful.

"Of course not. And Sunday morning we can go to the little café at the Embarcadero to eat breakfast at the pier."

"That's a great idea. And after that we visited my Mom in Indiana."

"She will be happy to see Miral again."

"We will never get our daughter back," Tom laughed.

"Seems so…," B'Elanna shrugged.

Kathryn laughed. "You will get her back on Sunday evening. Is 1800 hours okay?"

"An evening and a day alone with my wife? That's more than okay." Tom grinned mischievously and kissed his wife's cheek.

They returned to their dinner and as everyone was finished Harry turned to Libby. "Would you like to dance?"

Libby nodded and they left the table to join the other couples on the dance floor.

"They are so sweet together," Kathryn noticed as she watched them.

"They are. So much that my teeth are aching…," Tom commented dryly and earned once more an elbow in his ribs from the woman next to him.

"Don't say that! He deserves it."

"He really does. He lost so much out there," Kathryn said absently.

"We all lost much out there," Tom replied.

"But some found something new, something that changed their lives in a good way." Kathryn gave Tom a glance and he smiled at B'Elanna.

"You're right, Kathryn. And some only have to admit it." He winked at her and Chakotay rolled his eyes. Will this never end, he thought annoyed.

Kathryn overheard his comment and watched the couples dancing. Chakotay recognized the longing in her eyes. "Permission to dance with the captain?"

She turned her head and smiled her crooked smile at him. "Permission granted."

He took her hand and they headed for the dance floor. Reg excused himself and Tom saw someone across the room. "Uh oh Doc… seems your pretty friend is here tonight…," he said and nodded in the corner were a beautiful woman with long curly, brown hair stood next to a piano.

"She is not my 'pretty friend', Mr. Paris." The Doctor replied but if he had been human his neck would have hurt from stretching as he tried to look in the corner. The pretty lady at the piano smiled at him and he left the table in a hurry.

Tom laid his arm around the shoulders of his wife and as the Doctor took his place beside the woman at the piano he whistled quietly.

"You shouldn't bother them all so much."

"Huh? I don't bother them."

"Maybe you don't even recognize it."

"The Doctor will get over it."

"I'm not speaking about the Doctor."

"Then whom do you talk about?"

"You know that… 'the other couple that doesn't live together'!"

"What do you mean?"

"Kathryn and Chakotay. If you wouldn't bother and tease them so much then maybe they'd finally find their way."

"Are you saying it's my fault that they aren't together?" Tom asked surprised.

"No…," B'Elanna sighed. "But your comments don't help at all."

He turned his head to find the two dancing close to each other. Chakotay's hands rested on safe ground on Kathryn's back and her hands were around his neck. They looked at each other, but to Tom's disappointment they talked happily instead of glancing full of desire at the other.

He shook his head. B'Elanna couldn't be right. It wasn't his fault. If they really wanted to be together it wouldn't matter what he said.


	2. Blissful weekend

"They are too early!" Tom shouted as he heard a knock on their front door.

"They are always too early. You should know that by now!" B'Elanna shouted back and packed little Miral's bag quickly. "I'll get our daughter ready. You go and open the door."

Tom rushed to the front door and opened it with a wide smile. "Kathryn, Chakotay. Come in."

"They are not ready," Kathryn commented in Chakotay's direction.

"They are never ready in time," he said and shrugged.

Tom overheard what they'd said with a smirk and guided them through the house to the back porch. It was cold but the sun was shining from a cloudless sky.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked as Kathryn and Chakotay sat down in the wooden chairs.

"Coffee. Black." Chakotay imitated Kathryn before she could say something and laughed out loud but only until he felt a fist on his arm. "Ouch!"

"You deserved it," Kathryn explained and gave him a death glance.

Chakotay leant over to her, like he had often done on Voyager, and smiled wickedly. "So Kathryn, tell us. What do you want to drink?"

She pursed her lips and looked stubborn in the opposite direction. Tom watched the scene with amazement but Chakotay didn't bother to pay Kathryn any attention and turned to Tom. "A tea would be nice."

"And you Kathryn?" Tom was glad that he found the courage to ask.

"Black coffee please," she said extremely nicely and gave him a smile but didn't look at Chakotay even as Tom started his way into the kitchen.

And they say there is nothing between them…, Tom thought and shook his head.

"Very imaginative," Kathryn grumbled.

"What?"

"Tea. You drink only tea," she said without looking at him.

"That is not true."

"If you say so..."

She got quiet again and he started to watch her from the corner of his eyes. She hated it when he teased her but deep inside he knew she loved it. Her eyes danced and she pursed or bit her lips so she would not smile or laugh but he saw how the muscles in her cheeks fluttered when she suppressed a laugh. He glanced away and thought about how he could tease her over the edge.

Tom almost dropped the tray he carried as he heard Kathryn laugh louder than she ever had before.

"What is it?" B'Elanna asked surprised as she emerged from Miral's room with her daughter on her hip and the bag over her shoulder.

Tom shrugged and tried to look on the porch but couldn't see them. "When I left, Kathryn almost killed him."

"They behave strangely since we got back."

"They do." Tom poked Miral's nose and she giggled at her father's attention. "I asked Chakotay about their relationship when we were in the bar the last time but I only got the one and only answer…"

"…we are happy as we are," B'Elanna completed for him.

"Exactly." He looked seriously at her." Do you really think I could be the reason… the reason that they aren't together?"

"No," she sighed with a shake of her head. "I just don't understand them."

"Me neither."

They looked for a moment in the direction of the back porch where Kathryn's laughter subsided slowly.

"But I bet it will change soon," B'Elanna said suddenly with a knowing grin on her face.

Tom turned surprised his head. "What do you mean?"

"Their relationship. Or their friendship. Or whatever their share. It will change into something good… better," she corrected herself. "Something romantic."

"How do you know?" Tom asked curious.

"I won't tell you. Now. But I will tell you when the time is right," she said mysteriously.

Tom glanced dreamily away. "That would be nice."

"You want to bet, helmboy?" she asked playful and pulled him out of his day dream.

"You're very sure." Tom looked at her and recognized once more how beautiful his wife is, especially when she is playing with him. "Yeah we bet, Maquis. A deadline?"

"Sure. They are a couple within… four months."

"That's a long time."

"It's Kathryn and Chakotay who we are talking about."

"That's true. Okay, four months."

"And no bad tricks."

"Fine with me, Maquis."

"You will lose, helmboy. But if you win we'll make the ski trip." She rolled her eyes in disapproval but Tom beamed immediately. "And if I win we'll skip the party at your parents' in May and visit Kessik IV with Miral."

He nodded in agreement and held his hand out to her. "Bet!"

"Bet!" she said, shaking his hand.

With a victorious grin she walked outside.

"Hey, Sweetie," Kathryn squeaked like her sister as she saw B'Elanna coming through the door with Miral. She jumped up and tickled Miral who giggled like only an almost one year old can and spread her chubby arms towards, as Tom said, favorite Auntie Katie. "Oh yeah come over here." Kathryn took Miral from her former chief engineer and nuzzled with her nose Miral's cheek. "Hello, B'Elanna. How are you?"

"I feel great. You'll give me a night alone with my husband," B'Elanna laughed and turned to Chakotay. "Hey old man," she grinned and leant forward to hug him.

"Your drinks," Tom set the cups on the table.

"Thank you," Kathryn smiled all over her face and tried to catch Miral's arm as the little girl poked her in the ear. B'Elanna sat on the chair her husband offered her while Miral let off Kathryn's ear and grabbed instead her nose. Kathryn started an attack herself and tickled and poked the girl firmly.

"You will have a lot of fun with her," Tom said sarcastically.

"I'm sure we will," Chakotay replied and watched Kathryn with Miral.

"Now she is sweet but wait 'til she should sleep."

"That doesn't bother us. We only have to handle her one night. Not eighteen years," Chakotay winked and Tom sighed.

"Don't forget naptime!" B'Elanna chimed quickly in.

"We won't," Chakotay soothed her and took a sip of his tea. He'd never thought his furious Klingon chief engineer would ever be a concerned mother.

=/\=

Miral was dressed like she wanted to make a trip to the North Pole as her Mom settled her in the buggy. Tom shook his head but was wise enough not to argue with B'Elanna about Miral clothes even it was mid-February, cold but not icy anymore. Miral herself was happy and squeaked in excitement.

"Look after her well," B'Elanna said once again with emphasis.

"Don't worry. We'll take care of her. And if we have any problems we'll call you," Kathryn answered and pushed the buggy. "We'll see you tomorrow and greet Owen and all the others."

"We will," Tom promised.

Chakotay took the bag over his shoulder. "What have you packed? Stones?" He made a face as he noticed how heavy the little bag was.

"You must be ready for everything," Tom laughed and B'Elanna rolled her eyes.

"I just didn't know what you will need," she apologized.

Chakotay shook his head and walked next to his former captain. "We'll see you tomorrow," he said.

"Yes. Bye Miral!" B'Elanna yelled after them.

The three walked away and Tom and B'Elanna went back in the house.

Kathryn and Chakotay decided to go back to Kathryn's place first, to unpack the bag, before Chakotay would never be able to use his shoulder again.

"Can I check my messages?" Chakotay asked as they stood in Kathryn's hall and he pulled his shoes off.

"Sure. I will unpack Miral." She smirked at the sight of Miral and took the little girl out of her buggy while Chakotay headed for her office.

"Here, Sweetie," Kathryn gave Miral her bottle with juice. Tom and B'Elanna's daughter sat on her blanket on the floor in Kathryn's living room with dozens of toys around her which all, much to Kathryn's surprise, had emerged Miral's bag.

She sat beside Miral and played with her as Chakotay came in and he smiled at the view.

Kathryn looked cheerful up. "Hi."

"Hi. Are you having fun?" he asked and sat down on the carpet.

"We're having a lot of fun. Right, Miral?"

Miral grabbed a toy and started to crawl away.

"See? She likes it when I play with her." Kathryn laughed heartily and headed after Miral who was quick on her hands and knees.

Chakotay was pleased to see Kathryn relaxed and happy. She was a different person now than she was on Voyager. He could see how the burden in the Delta Quadrant and being responsible for over 140 lives had changed her and he was glad the she was able to leave this pressure behind her.

Kathryn caught the run-, or better, crawl-away and placed her on the blanket again but Miral didn't even think about sitting still and started to climb over Chakotay's legs.

"She's very agile," Chakotay noticed with a smirk as Miral grabbed his knee to steady herself as she tried to stand up.

"Yes. The Klingon part is more than noticeable. We should keep her busy or she will never sleep. Playground?"

"Yeah…," he hesitated suddenly and tugged at his earlobe.

"Is something wrong?"

"I've got a message from my realtor. She could show me the apartment in half an hour." He glanced uncertain at Kathryn to see her reaction.

"Oh."

"I don't have to do it," he said quickly.

"No, no it's okay. You should take a look."

"Really?"

"Sure."

"You want to join me? I would like to hear your opinion."

"You know that I always have an opinion."

Chakotay opened his mouth to say something but Miral shrieked from behind him and demanded their attention.

=/\=

Kathryn settled Miral on her hip and closed the door behind her. Together they walked upstairs on the second floor.

"Hello, Chakotay." Anne, his realtor, said and shook his hand as they stood in front of the apartment which was placed on the opposite site of the corridor as Kathryn's.

"Hello, Anne."

"I see you've brought help. That's great," she said to Miral and stroke over Miral's arm. "Hello, I'm Anne," she said to Kathryn and shook her hand, too.

"Hello, I'm Kathryn," Kathryn introduced herself.

"Nice to meet you. Okay, take a look."

She opened the door and they walked in.

"It is large," Chakotay noticed as he looked around.

"Yes. Three rooms. Living room, bedroom and children's bedroom."

"Children's bedroom?" Chakotay asked surprised and Kathryn raised an eyebrow.

"You can also make it a study or guest room or something else," Anne glanced uncertain from Chakotay to Kathryn. "I just thought…," she looked at Miral.

"No," Chakotay waved with his hands. "She's not mine."

"Oh… I'm sorry." Anne blushed slightly.

"It's okay," Chakotay smiled at her with dimples in full force and Kathryn frowned slightly as she saw it.

Anne showed them the two bedrooms and guided them afterwards in the living room.

"It is very large for one person," Chakotay said as he saw more of the apartment.

"Your wife won't move with you in?" Anne asked unbelieving.

"My…?" Chakotay swallowed hard and Kathryn laughed.

"I'm not his…"

"Oh my… I'm sorry. No, I don't mean I'm sorry." Anne blushed even more. "I just didn't know…"

"I'm his friend and we are babysitting our friend's baby this weekend. That's all." Kathryn cleared the situation and recognized that Anne stole a glance at Chakotay. Chakotay didn't seem to notice it.

"No dining room?" he asked.

"No. The kitchen is big enough and includes the dining area. I'll show it to you." Anne walked ahead into the kitchen.

"It is nice," Kathryn commented as she saw the huge kitchen.

"You say something about a kitchen? You don't even need yours," Chakotay teased her.

"I use it."

"When do you ever use your kitchen? And I don't mean when you try to burn down the house, what, of course, is a very good reason to not move in here."

She gave him a death glance and noticed out of the corner of her eyes that Anne couldn't get her eyes off him.

Kathryn couldn't help herself. "You use my kitchen," she said suggestively while leaning into his personal space only to see Anne's reaction. Kathryn smirked inwardly as she saw a light jealousy flicker over the beautiful, blonde woman's face. Chakotay pursed his lips at her and turned to Anne. "This is a nice apartment. I just don't know if it's too large for one person." Anne nodded at him. "What do you say?" he asked Kathryn.

"You should think about it. It's really a nice apartment and it fits you."

He pondered her words for a moment. "I think you're right. I'll take it."

Missing Kathryn's surprised expression, he turned to Anne.

"I hope I didn't forget to tell you that this apartment won't be available until June," she said, also surprised by his quick decision.

"You told me. And it'll give me some time," he assured her.

"Fine," Anne smiled pleased and she and Chakotay made the formalities while Kathryn walked with Miral around.

As the two of them were finished, they all walked out and Anne locked the door.

"Thank you." Chakotay shook Anne's hand and smiled again a dimpled smile at her.

She smiled back and Kathryn started to feel invisible. The two didn't seem to know she and Miral were still there as they stared into each other's eyes. She started to shuffle with her feet and waited impatiently. After a while she had enough and cleared her throat loudly.

"Bye," she said to Anne as she got her attention.

Anne nodded to her and smiled once again at Chakotay before she turned around and left.

=/\=

"She likes you," Kathryn teased Chakotay as they walked into her living room.

"What? Who?"

"Who? Anne of course." She sat Miral on her blanket.

"That is not true! Why do you think that?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Didn't you notice it? The way she looked at you for example."

"She thought we are married."

"She also thought we have a Human/Klingon baby but it didn't stop her."

"From what?"

"From flirting with you."

"She didn't flirt with me."

"Oh yes she did," Kathryn nodded knowingly.

"She did not," he said stubbornly and watched Miral crawling around.

"Yes she did. And you flirted with her."

His head shot around to face her. "I did not!" he said outraged.

"You did."

He glanced away and remembered the situation.

"I did not," he said firmly, looking back at her.

"You did. Maybe not obviously but in another way…"

"What do you mean?"

"You showed her your benefits," she beamed at him.

"Kathryn!" He was shocked and looked at Miral. "You can't say something like that in front of a baby," he whispered.

"You have no idea what I am talking about."

"I wish I didn't."

She poked him in his cheek. "Your dimples, Mister."

He gave her a glance.

"You don't know what these cute things do to a woman."

"It never worked on you," he winked at her.

"I'm very strong. I have resisted," she grinned.

He stepped in front of her and laid his arms around her waist. "You are very strong, tiny lady. That's why I admire you." She rested her hands on his arms and looked at him while he pulled her body to his. "And what I hate…," he added with a twinkle in his eyes.

She gave him a death glance. "I had a crew…"

"…to bring home," he completed. "I know."

He smiled at her, consciously with dimples in full force to see her reaction. He noticed that she looked at them but only from the corner of her eyes to make it not too obvious. A slight smile emerged on her lips.

He chuckled.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said but chuckled again.

"What?" she said annoyed but her smile reached her eyes.

"I just noticed something."

"What?"

"I can't tell you, Kathryn."

She cocked her head and glanced at him in disbelief. "You are crazy," she said and tried to escape his embrace but he didn't let her go.

"I am," he said with a wicked grin and wiggling eyebrows. Without warning he slid his hands down her back and squeezed her butt. She shrieked and before she could give him another death glance he placed a wet kiss on her cheek and she made a face.

He pursed his lips as he saw her face. "If you don't like it I'll find another one to kiss," he shrugged and let off her and as he settled on the ground next to Miral, who lay on her back with her feet in the air, he didn't notice the disappointed look on Kathryn's face. "Do you want a kiss?" he asked the little girl and kissed her cheek. She smiled happy and he started to kiss her belly and tickled her at the same time. Miral tossed and turned in cheerful excitement and squeaked and giggled endlessly.

"You know Miral," Chakotay whispered loud enough for Kathryn to hear. "Your Auntie Katie would love to go to the playground but you have to come with her because without you it looks a little bit strange. Do you want to go to the playground?" Miral nodded and both turned their heads to Kathryn. "Playground?" he asked and Kathryn smiled bright.

They walked to a playground in a little park near Kathryn's apartment.

The three of them enjoyed the time together. Miral and Kathryn built sandcastles in the cold sand, Chakotay let Miral fly through the air on his arms. With a helping hand, Miral could walk a few steps until she fell on her bottom and laughed. But she was very ambitious and got up quickly to try again and again.

Shortly before lunchtime they walked home to eat and afterwards Miral took her nap without arguing. Kathryn and Chakotay sat in the living room and put their feet up while they drank coffee and tea and enjoyed the momentary silence.

Miral decided that a one and a half hour nap was more than enough and they started their way through the streets of San Francisco again.

Forty minutes later they were on Presidio's ground and turned around the last corner and there she was: Voyager. Their starship; their home for seven and a half years; the place they met almost eight years ago.

"It's good to see her again," Kathryn noticed with a happy flutter in her stomach.

"It is," Chakotay agreed.

"Do you know what this is Miral?" Kathryn asked and squatted beside the buggy.

Miral looked with wide eyes from Voyager to Kathryn and back.

"This is Voyager. On this ship mommy and daddy first became friends and then fell in love and married finally. And do you know what else happened on this ship?" Miral looked at her Auntie Katie. "You were born on Voyager." Kathryn smiled at her. "Do you want to see were mommy and daddy lived and worked?"

Miral nodded and they returned walking.

"It is ten months ago since we were onboard the last time," Chakotay said more to himself than to Kathryn.

"Not for me," she murmured.

"What? When have you been onboard?" Chakotay asked as they passed the last few meters. Kathryn didn't answer right away so Chakotay turned his head to her to see that she hesitated.

"After the debriefings," she said honestly.

"Really?"

"Yes." She sighed. "I had to think and reminisce before I could go on."

"You never told me."

"No. It was something I had to do on my own."

She gave him an apologizing glance but he understood immediately. "It's okay Kathryn. I can understand you and it seems that it helped."

"It did."

"Where did you go to think?" he asked playful, exactly knowing where she had gone.

"The first officer's quarters," she answered seriously and his jaw dropped. She laughed as she saw his reaction. "What did you think?" She poked his rips with her elbow. "Bridge of course."

"Captain's seat." She nodded. "How did you get onboard? She was closed for everybody."

"I broke in."

His jaw dropped again and his eyes widened. "You broke into Voyager?" he asked unbelieving.

"Yes."

"And nobody caught you?"

"No. She was my ship for over seven years. We made an agreement. I brought her home, she will not reveal me."

"That's a good agreement."

"I just had to do it," she justified herself quietly.

"I understand you. Really. And if Voyager doesn't reveal you I will not either."

"Thank you."

"I just hope we don't have to break in today."

"No. I called the museum's chief. He was excited that we want to visit her."

The security lieutenant's eyes almost popped out of his head as he saw who wanted to visit the ship. He swore in his mind at his superior officer who didn't warn him but his Starfleet training kicked quickly in and he stood, stiffed and tensed, at attention.

"Admiral, Commander," he said, even though they were out of uniform and obviously not in a professional capacity here. He earned a greeting nod from Chakotay while Kathryn's gaze wandered over Voyager's hull.

"How far along are you?" she asked curious.

"We will be ready in time, Admiral."

She nodded satisfied, without taking her eyes off the ship.

"How many people are onboard?" Chakotay asked.

"Only fifteen. It's Saturday. But if you want to be completely alone…"

"No it's okay." Chakotay interrupted him. "It is okay or…?" He glanced at Kathryn.

She faced him and smiled. "It is."

The lieutenant nodded, gave them access and exhaled loudly as they were out of sight.

"It's weird," Chakotay commented his feelings as they walked through the familiar corridors.

"Weird?"

"Yes. For me it's almost a year since I was the last time on board."

"Four days after we got home," Kathryn said quietly.

"Yes."

"So much has happened since then…," she said suddenly sad but shook these feelings quickly aside. "Do you want to see were mommy and daddy worked, Miral?"

Miral squealed happy, more about 'mommy and daddy' than the question itself but Kathryn decided nevertheless to walk to engineering.

"Look Miral," Chakotay picked Miral out of her buggy and settled her in his arms. "This is where Mommy worked."

Miral looked amazed at the huge warp core.

"Mommy repaired Voyager and kept her in top condition," Kathryn explained.

"And she looked after Voyager's engines so daddy could work," Chakotay added with a smirk as they slowly walked around the warp core.

Chakotay sensed that Kathryn was very emotional being on Voyager again, probably more than he was. She needs some time, he thought as he watched her sliding her hand over the railing and smiling slightly. It looked to him like she was talking to the ship in her mind.

After she was finished they walked to Tom and B'Elanna's quarters, sickbay and mess hall.

It appeared that the security lieutenant had warned the other officers, because nobody seemed to be surprised that Voyager's former command team was onboard and Kathryn and Chakotay were greeted appropriately on their way through the ship.

As the doors to the empty astrometrics lab opened, Kathryn gasped. The big screen was activated with a live picture from Earth.

"All this seems so unreal to me… being back…," she whispered and looked around while they were walking towards Seven's station. "I feel like we are still in the Delta Quadrant." She stared at the picture of Earth and Chakotay saw her suppressing upwelling tears. "We fought seven years to get back to this beautiful planet. Why am I sometimes sorry to be back?" she asked herself quietly.

"Because you miss your family," he answered nonetheless.

"You are right." She sighed and looked down, touching the console. "I miss them. I miss them desperately."

"We will see them all in ten weeks."

"That is true," she smiled sadly. He wanted to hug her but somehow the surroundings stopped him. They were on Voyager and the captain wouldn't allow herself to be hugged.

She looked up at him. "I'm unbelievably glad that I don't have to miss you. I couldn't stand it…," she swallowed as brave tears ran down her cheeks.

"Kathryn, I am glad too. I need to have you near me." He gave her a dimpled smile, threw his caution aside and hugged her. This woman wasn't his captain anymore. He could hug her whenever he wanted to, regardless of where they were.

Miral didn't think it was very comfortable between them and poked Chakotay in the ear and babbled something unintelligible so they pulled apart.

"Hey," he said to Miral. "That's not very nice." He held his ear and made a sad face but Miral looked unimpressed at him. He laughed at her and laid the little girl on his arms and walked to let her fly through the air.

"Lt. Paris warp three," he commanded and began to run. Miral screamed and laughed and tossed her feet through the air.

Kathryn laughed bright and cheerful at the sight until tears of happiness filled her eyes.

"Lt. Paris half impulse," Chakotay said breathless after a while and walked back to Kathryn. "And full stop." He stopped and tried to catch his breath as he settled Miral, who was sad that this fun had to end, back on his hip.

Chakotay noticed pleased that he had raised Kathryn's mood and grinned at her. "Bridge?" he asked.

"Yes," she agreed but he still sensed a little hesitation.

He watched her as they stood in the turbolift and saw how nervous she was and as the doors opened she didn't move. He laid his free hand on her shoulder and squeezed it while giving her an encouraging nod. Slowly she stepped out and looked around. The deserted bridge seemed smaller to her but looked like she remembered it. Nothing had changed.

She let her hand slide over Tuvok's station as she walked the few steps down.

Chakotay gave her the moment. He and Miral waited at the turbolift doors.

Kathryn stopped in front of the captain's chair and stared at it. Chakotay saw the emotions flicker over her face as she was reminded of various situations she'd gone through while she sat in this chair.

She breathed deep and sat down. It felt familiar to her, like she was never away, like she sat the last year in this chair, too.

"Hello my friend," she whispered and laid her finger on the console between the command chairs. "Good to see you."

She savored the moment, silently. She had missed Voyager and somehow it felt like Voyager had missed her captain, too.

She looked around on her bridge and stopped at the first officer's chair next to her.

She turned her head to Chakotay. "Want to join me, Commander?" she asked softly.

"Aye Captain," he answered quietly and walked to the center where he sat Miral on the floor.

"It feels strange…," he said after he settled down in the first officer's chair.

"Like we were never away…," she whispered.

"Yes." He looked at her and she turned to him.

Miral didn't think that adults who look and smile at each other for long are interesting so she started to crawl around. Downstairs, upstairs, behind the command chairs and downstairs and upstairs to the center again. After the third round she crawled down to the helm. She grabbed the console and stood up.

If Kathryn and Chakotay hadn't been hanging over their armrests, reminiscing, they would have seen how Miral took a few steps free-handed. She landed on her bottom and giggled, which made Kathryn and Chakotay turn their heads.

"Hey, Sweetie. Do you have fun?"

"It looks like you found daddy's station," Chakotay noticed.

Miral crawled back to the console and stood up again. She let go of the safety of the console and walked two more steps than before.

"Chakotay look!" Kathryn gasped and laid her hand on his.

With wide, amazed eyes they watched the little girl walk until she fell of her bottom again and all three laughed.

"Did she walk before?" Kathryn asked.

"I don't know."

"I'll get a holocamera. We should record it."

She stood up and walked to the replicator in her ready room. She thought before they had entered Voyager that to walk in this room would be the hardest thing she wanted to do, that the memories would overwhelm her, but nothing happened. She didn't even think about it, the only thing she wanted to do was to replicate a holocamera.

She walked out on the bridge to see that Miral was walking again. Kathryn filmed it, amazed by Miral's ambition.

She recorded a few more minutes until Miral crawled to Chakotay.

"I think she decided it's enough for now," he smirked and settled Miral in his lap. Kathryn smiled at them and took several pictures.

"We could take one with the self-timer," Chakotay suggested.

"That's a great idea," Kathryn agreed and placed the camera on the helm before she sat down in her chair. After a few pictures she picked the camera up.

"We should go. Before Miral is too tired for our party."

"We two could make our own party…," he said mischievously.

She pulled a hand on her hip and gave him a death glance in return.

"Okay, maybe not…," he shrugged. "Let's go." He rose. "See Miral. Now you know Voyager."

He walked back to Tuvok's station were the buggy stood and settled Miral in her carriage.

Kathryn walked once more to her chair. "See you soon, Voyager," she whispered. "And if someone is bothering you, call me." She patted her chair, raised her head and saw that Chakotay was watching her. She felt caught but he gave her a smile and a nod to let her know that he won't tell anyone.

=/\=

"Oh Miral, it seems that your mommy packed your most beautiful pajamas for tonight," Kathryn noticed cheerfully as she lifted a pink pajama set with yellow butterflies out of Miral's bag. The two girls sat on that Kathryn's bed and got ready for their party. With eager excitement Kathryn dressed Miral.

"You look beautiful," she said with a smile as she surveyed Miral in her night dress and gently stroked Miral's hair.

Suddenly Kathryn was clear-headed and recognized how much she liked this picture, the picture of her and a child around her. This day was so full of happiness and love. Kathryn jerked and took her hand off Miral's head. Yes, love. She loved Miral. She loved spending time with her.

She'd never thought she would enjoy spending time with a child so much, especially not with such a young one. She'd liked having Naomi around her on Voyager, too, but that was different. She was Naomi's captain. There was always a distance. She was responsible for her life. But now… now she was a single woman in her mid-forties and could only be herself. She wasn't just a captain anymore. She wasn't responsible for anyone's life but her own.

This knowledge floated into her and created a warm, comfortable feeling in her body. Through the last ten months her head knew that she wasn't responsible for anyone else but she hadn't felt it. She couldn't let go. She was still looking after her former crew and kept an eye on everyone to know they would settle down and be happy. She was there, every day, every night. Even Chakotay told her often she didn't have to 'mother' (he got a death glance for this phrase) them all so much. He told her she could create her own life but she replied that she couldn't let them walk away without knowing if they are safe and sound.

But now? Now she knew they are all settled; some had a new family, others were able to go to their old family. Most of her former crew had new jobs, were living on different planets, some within others not within range. She knew they were happy and she knew if they needed help they would call her.

But what did this mean for her? Did it mean that she could now, finally, care for herself and only for herself? That she could create a life, on earth or wherever she wanted to?

Kathryn was startled and sighed. It was a long time since she was able to do something only for herself. She didn't know what she wished for; what she wanted to do with her life; where she wanted to live.

She glanced at Miral who decided not to wear socks and was busy trying to get them off.

Is this what she wanted? A family? Her own family? Children?

It's a bit late for a wish of my own family and children, she thought.

She'd always thought, since the incident with the Caretaker, that she would never ever have the opportunity to have her own family. But Admiral Janeway helped her come back home earlier in her life. Had she done so with more than one purpose? Had Admiral Janeway regretted so much in her life that she couldn't stand it and decided to help her younger self reach goals she wasn't able to?

Kathryn sighed deeply again.

These thoughts were irrelevant. She never wanted children before she got stranded in the Delta Quadrant, she always thought they would make her vulnerable.

So where did those feelings suddenly came from? Why should she change her opinion now?

She just had to find out what she wanted to do with her life. She was an independent woman and there were a lot of things she could do and places she could visit. These thoughts about a family were ridiculous.

She was pulled back into present as she noticed that Miral looked with her big brown eyes at her, her socks lying on the bed beside her. "You are cute Miral, do you know that?" Kathryn laughed. "You are making me giddy you sweetie pie, that's not funny!" She playfully pushed her hands on her hips.

Miral smiled wide even if she didn't understand what her Auntie meant. "And now you have to help me." Kathryn clapped once to push the thoughts aside and stood up. "Do we want to tease uncle Chakotay or be nice?" she asked with a wicked grin and opened a drawer of her dresser to take some nightgowns out.

The first one she held up was a blue shirt with matching pants. She looked questioning at Miral who didn't seem to be excited. The next one she showed her was a very short, peach nightgown. "Is that better?"

Miral's answer was squeak and a broad smile. She liked the color peach.

"Okay. We decided to tease uncle Chakotay," Kathryn laughed and looked forward to seeing his reaction.

A few moments later they walked to Chakotay who was in the kitchen, cooking dinner.

He stood with his back to the door and was already preparing the dishes.

"We are ready," Kathryn announced.

"I'm ready too," he replied and turned around with a dish in his hand.

As he saw them his jaw dropped and the dish fell to the floor. Kathryn rejoiced and her eyes danced. This was exactly what she had hoped for.

He couldn't get his eyes off her standing in the doorway in a nightgown that exposed more skin than he'd ever thought he would see of her. It only had thin strips over her shoulders and a neckline which was so deep he had to remind himself to breathe as he followed it with his eyes.

Her skin looked so soft particularly on the swell of her… Chakotay swallowed hard and his eyes wandered downwards to her legs… her beautiful, strong, long legs exposed 'til the mid of her thighs. He always adored her legs. He didn't know why, he hadn't seen them often.

He breathed deep and shook his head. He knew she was only teasing him and he hated himself for getting in her trap all the time.

He knelt to pick up the broken dish. She walked in front him and he noticed that she was barefoot.

"That was wicked you know," he murmured.

"I am not guilty. Miral picked it out," she replied innocent.

"Miral… come on, Kathryn." He didn't recognize that as he looked up his gaze wandered slowly over her legs. As he looked straight forward he saw that he was on one level with her lower belly and how close it was. He gasped slightly and raised his head to look in her eyes.

"You are crazy, Kathryn Janeway. That's not nice."

"Not nice?" She raised an eyebrow. "It's my dish you broke."

He stood up and laid the pieces on the counter. "You get it back," he said as he turned to her.

"The dish?" she asked with a smirk and he only glared at her in return. He was sure she knew what he meant.

Miral grabbed one strip of Kathryn's nightgown and pulled it over Kathryn's shoulder. Hastily Kathryn brought it back into place. "That would be a little too much teasing," she laughed throatily and stopped Miral from doing it again.

"Why?" Chakotay shrugged. "It would be fair."

"Fair?" Kathryn gave him a glance and grabbed Miral's arm. The little girl seemed to like undressing her.

Before Chakotay could answer Kathryn gave Miral to him. "Here, undress him." She winked at Chakotay and turned to pick another dish out of her cupboard.

He got an idea and smiled wickedly. "I'm going to change. Will you set the table?"

"Yes."

He left with Miral and Kathryn carried the plates to her dining room.

She sat already at the table as they came back and glanced unbelieving at Chakotay.

"Nothing there to undress," he stated with a smirk, dressed only in soft pajama trousers. She pursed her lips, hiding that she liked the view of his bare chest. They ate dinner and went into the living room afterwards.

Their 'pajama party' was a blissful hour of dancing, eating cookies and drinking colorful drinks until they got quieter to calm Miral down.

As Miral yawned the fifth time Kathryn decided to call it a day.

"A story?" Kathryn asked as she picked Miral up and Miral nodded.

"I would like to hear one, too," Chakotay said excited.

"I thought you would tell the story. You are a much better story teller than I am." She smiled her best crooked smile.

"Okay." He shrugged. "That's a good excuse to get in your bed." He nudged her with his elbow as they walked to her bedroom.

"Chakotay!" she squeaked in disbelief. "I never thought you were so naughty."

"Oh I am. I just hide it most of the time."

She stole a glance at him. Was this really the angry Maquis warrior that became her trusted, loyal first officer and best friend?

He opened the door to her bedroom and jumped in her bed.

"Chakotay!"

"It is very comfortable," he noticed as he writhed in her bed to test it and earned a death glance. "You know that if you use it too often it loses the effect?" He pointed at her glance and smirked happy while she pulled her hand on her hip. "See Miral, Auntie Katie always wants to be the boss."

"Could you just tell us a story?" Kathryn raised an eyebrow, settled Miral in the bed and tucked the blanket tight around her.

"Yes." He rested his back against one of her pillows and Kathryn lay beside Miral down. "What kind of story do you want to hear?"

"A Voyager story," Kathryn answered.

"I wasn't asking you. Miral?" Miral looked at him. "Do you want a Voyager story?" Miral nodded and snuggled against her auntie who gave Chakotay a surprised and amazed glance at this sudden dedication.

"Okay. A Voyager story… hmmm… I don't know… we haven't experienced lots of bedtime stories."

"What about…"

"No! I know something," he interrupted her enlightened with a wicked grin that meant no good for her and she sighed uncomfortably. "Miral, you maybe know that your daddy spent a lot of time during our journey through the Delta Quadrant on the holodeck. He created some strange and crazy programs but also some nice ones like the holo version of Sandrine's. After about five and a half years we faced a storm and couldn't avoid it so we could only wait 'til the storm was over. Your daddy had just written a new holoprogram and your auntie Katie permitted to run it twenty-four hours a day. Even if your mommy didn't think it was a good idea," he said and winked at Miral. "The program played in ancient Ireland. It was a little village with very nice people. There was a train station, an enchanted castle, a church and a bar which was owned by a man your auntie immediately fell in love with."

"That is not true!" Kathryn exclaimed. "Miral, don't believe him!"

"It is true. Tom told me."

"Tom?! You believe Tom?"

Miral eyes wandered from Chakotay to Kathryn.

"Sometimes."

"This was only a rumor."

"It wasn't, Kathryn. I saw you with Michael, too. You were in love."

Kathryn blushed. "I wasn't. And this whole thing was ridiculous. I don't know what got into me," she justified herself and added. "Maybe I just wanted to make you jealous."

He gasped.

"And it worked."

"It didn't work. I wasn't jealous."

"You were."

"I wasn't."

Miral giggled, this was way too much fun to sleep.

"Come on, Chakotay! The way you looked at him... the way you looked at me... it was obvious."

He breathed hearable out. "It is not true. I wasn't jealous."

She shrugged. "Believe what you want but could you please tell us the story right?"

"If I didn't tell it right you can tell it instead."

"You can tell us another story. This was ridiculous."

"Okay, I will tell you an imagined story."

"But tell it right."

"It's my story you don't know if it's right or wrong."

Kathryn pursed her lips and placed her blanket on her legs.

"Miral, this is a story about a Starfleet captain. Her name is Elizabeth and she fell in love with a holodeck character."

"Chakotay!" Kathryn squeaked loudly, sat up and narrowed her eyes at him. Miral sat up, too, and giggled happily. She wasn't sleepy anymore.

Chakotay chuckled. "I think she won't sleep yet." He pointed at Miral.

"It's your fault."

"My fault? Who squeaked and yelled the whole time at my stories?"

"Just think about a way how we get her sleepy again."

Three hours later Miral crawled happily through the living room. Kathryn lay exhausted on the couch, she had tried everything to get this little Klingon to sleep and nothing had worked.

Chakotay sat on Miral's blanket and watched her with tired eyes.

"Kathryn…," he started and looked over to her as she didn't respond to see that she was fast asleep. "Come Miral. We go to bed." He rose and laid a blanket over Kathryn's body. "Sweet dreams," he whispered and for a blink of an eye he allowed himself to smell her scent and kissed her hair softly. She murmured something but didn't wake. He turned around and saw Miral watching him. He put one finger on his mouth. "Don't tell her," he whispered.

He picked Miral up and walked into Kathryn's bedroom. Carefully he tucked her under the blanket and lay down beside her.

Kathryn awoke and blinked sleepily. The lights were dimmed and she didn't recognize at first were she was. Her old watch told her that she was in her living room and that it was almost 0200 hours. She stood up and walked into her bedroom where she smiled silently at the view in front of her. Chakotay lay in her bed with one arm protectively around Miral. The little girl snuggled tight against him, her blanket up to her chin. Kathryn slipped quietly in beside them. It was a strange but wonderful feeling to not lie alone in the bed. She turned on her side and watched the two of them.

Chakotay must have felt her gaze on him. "Kathryn?" he murmured, not really awake.

"Hmm hmm…"

"Shall I leave?" he asked without opening his eyes.

"No. Stay," she whispered.

He smiled in his sleep and turned around.

=/\=

Sunday seemed to fly away in a hurry.

They left Kathryn's place early and ate breakfast in her favorite café. Afterwards they went to the nearest transporter station and a few minutes later they arrived in Kathryn's hometown, Bloomington, which lay under a snow blanket.

Chakotay had been in Bloomington before. Kathryn had shown him the city and her parent's house last summer, after the debriefings. She had also shown him the old willow tree where she often had gone to think when she was young. He felt honored as she openly shared her memories with him while they sat under the tree. She told him about her father and his death, about Mark and even about Justin, whom she had never mentioned on Voyager. He was shocked at first, he knew her father died in an accident but he didn't know she was engaged twice and that her first fiancé died together with her father and, worst of all, she was with them. She had cried and he had let her talk and hold her hand and lent her a shoulder and somehow she was free afterwards. She had finally closed this chapter of her life and he was glad he was able to help only with sitting by her side and listen to whatever she wanted to tell him.

Kathryn's mother was excited to see Chakotay and Miral again. She kissed Miral and hugged Chakotay and Kathryn firmly.

They didn't go inside and walked instead in the backyard to play in the snow. Gretchen was pleased to see her daughter happy as she watched the trio from the back porch. Kathryn wanted to show Miral how to make a snow angel but Miral preferred to crawl and roll around. Kathryn made an angel nevertheless and as she rose to admire it she missed the devilish grin on Chakotay's face. She was pleased with her work and raised her head and Chakotay took the opportunity to splash her with a snowball right in the face. She wiped her face and didn't waste time with a death glance. Quickly she grabbed some snow and chased him across the lawn. He squeaked like a girl as he ran and Gretchen laughed heartily.

Chakotay changed his tactics and stopped, but Kathryn recognized it too late and ran into him. She fell right on top of him and gasped in surprise at the sudden closeness as she felt his hot, quick breath on her face. He used her surprise, turned them in one move and pinned her with all his weight to the ground. "Chakotay," she warned him and tried to escape but he knew she couldn't move under him. He slowly took a handful snow while she could only watch. "Commander," she warned him with her command voice but he only grinned and watched her with delight as he spread the snow over her face. She made a face and spluttered the snow out of her mouth while he beamed with joy. She wiped the snow off her face and caught him staring at her. Before the tension rose he placed a light kiss on her wet nose and rolled off her.

Miral shrieked from the other side of the yard and he walked over to her like nothing had happened.

Kathryn needed a little bit longer to get her composure back. Slowly she sat up and watched him walking.

As he picked the little Klingon up Kathryn shook her head to clear her mind and looked over to her mother. Gretchen gave her a knowing glance and Kathryn rolled her eyes in return.

They ate a light lunch before Miral and Gretchen took both a nap.

It began to snow while they were sleeping and Kathryn stood silently at the window to the backyard and glanced dreamily in the falling snowflakes. It still had something magical to her, especially after seven years without it.

Chakotay was outside to bring logs in for the fireplace. Kathryn had said she could do it but Gretchen replied it was good to have a strong man in the house and patted his chest like Kathryn had often done while they were in the Delta Quadrant.

When Kathryn was still a young girl she was ashamed that her parents were traditionalists and that their house had all this ancient equipment and furniture and she hadn't liked to invite friends. But with Chakotay it was different. He liked all this and she had begun to like it, too, furthermore, she began to appreciate it.

Chakotay also liked the food Gretchen cooked. When he was first in Bloomington Gretchen prepared a big dinner with fresh vegetables without using the replicator. He was surprised as he noticed that Kathryn's mother was such a good cook and he couldn't resist and teased Kathryn from this day on more than he had on Voyager.

As Miral and Gretchen were both awake again all four went for a walk in the fresh snow.

It stopped snowing, the sun came out and Miral looked with wide brown eyes through the glistering, white world.

After they came back, chilled but happy, they sat in front of the fireplace and drank coffee and tea and apple juice and ate homemade brownies.

Too soon the time to leave came and Gretchen gave Miral a goodbye-kiss and hugged Chakotay and as she embraced her daughter she murmured something.

"We are friends, Mom," Kathryn whispered firmly in her mother's hair.

They pulled apart and Gretchen gave Kathryn an unbelieving glance and Kathryn rolled her eyes once more at her mother.

It was almost 1900 hours and shortly before a worried B'Elanna sent a search party as Kathryn, Chakotay and Miral stood at the front door.

"So much for them being early every time," B'Elanna hissed at Tom and hurried to open the door. Tom bit his tongue and ducked his head. B'Elanna could be very concerned when it came to Miral.

Harry, who sat on the couch, chuckled. He was always delighted when he saw how Tom has to backpedal.

"There you are," B'Elanna smiled, her anger suddenly gone to Tom's disbelief.

"Sorry we're late," Kathryn apologized.

"No problem. Did you have fun?" Tom glanced disbelieving at his wife. This is unfair, he thought.

"Yes, it was great." Kathryn smiled.

"You have to tell us," Tom opened the door wide and they stepped in. "Something to drink?" he asked as they took off their coats. "Oh let me guess," he said before they had a chance to answer. "Coffee and tea?"

"You know us well Mr. Paris," Kathryn winked at him.

"Eight years of learning," he grinned. "You can go in the living room. Harry's there too."

B'Elanna excused herself and brought Miral to bed. Only ten minutes later she appeared surprised in the living room. "What have you done with her? I put her in her bed and she slept. I didn't even have to tell a story."

Kathryn and Chakotay glanced at each other and chuckled. "We played with her," Kathryn shrugged.

"We played a lot," Chakotay added and took a sip of his tea.

"You must be exhausted too," Tom noticed. "It takes a lot to get her this sleepy."

"Oh yes. But it was fun." Kathryn beamed.

"What have you done?" B'Elanna asked curious.

Kathryn and Chakotay told them everything and also showed the holovideos of Miral walking and B'Elanna told them that Miral tried to walk a few weeks now.

"Miral hasn't talked yet," Chakotay noticed as Kathryn laid the camera aside.

"No. But the Doc said it's not unusual. She will talk when she's ready," Tom said.

"She is like her father." Harry smirked and patted Tom's shoulder. "He needs a little bit longer too."


	3. Revelation

Through the following weeks Kathryn and Chakotay didn't see each other.

Kathryn went to Vulcan a few days after their weekend with Miral. Chakotay didn't know why. She called him and said she had to leave shortly and she would miss the monthly evening in the bar. He asked her if everything was all right, she seemed to him like something was worrying her but she cut him off. He was concerned, he hadn't seen her like this since they were back but she answered only "I'm fine". He felt like being pulled back into the Delta Quadrant and like then she gave him no opportunity to look after her. Within a day she was away.

He thought earlier that she had finally settled into her new life. She was happy and relaxed, or wasn't she? Had he missed something?

She also didn't call him from Vulcan and hadn't told him when she was coming back. Every passing day he worried more. He wished she could move on without more trouble and he wished she would let him help her.

He spent most of his days alone, normally Kathryn and he met regularly sometimes even more than one time a day but now that she wasn't there he didn't have the need for company.

Tom and B'Elanna were the first who asked what had happened, they heard from rumors that Kathryn had left Earth and he told them the only thing he knew: that she was on Vulcan.

During the evening of their monthly encounter he stole himself some quiet minutes at the bar. He didn't see her until she spoke to him and his clouded mind needed some time to fully recognize who she was.

He noticed that she smiled a lot at him, like Kathryn had said, and she touched him softly on his arm or hand, covering it as a coincidence. He felt himself responding to her intentions and told himself there was nothing wrong with asking her for a date. She agreed happily and they'd decided to meet on the next Saturday.

Chakotay picked Anne up and they ate dinner in a restaurant in San Francisco. They laughed a lot as they shared stories and he caught himself being relaxed and at ease. He walked her home and kissed her good night and she invited him to a second date.

=/\=

Chakotay sat in his office and stared at the little Voyager on his desk. Absently he touched her with one finger and his mind started to wander to Kathryn, who had given him this little Voyager as a gift last Christmas.

She had now been away three weeks. Three weeks without any contact.

Sighing deeply, Chakotay sat back without pulling his finger away.

What is wrong with her, he thought, and why doesn't she talk to me?

Maybe she was commanded to Vulcan and this assignment is secret so she isn't allowed to talk about it, he tried, unsuccessfully, to soothe himself. No, there had to be more.

She looked pale… troubled, with deep rings under her eyes as she had called him and he always thought that Kathryn knew she could talk to him. So why didn't she tell him or could it be his fault? Had he done something wrong? Was it because of the apartment? She had told him she wouldn't like that closeness but he hadn't really listened to her words.

He glanced at his chronometer and saw that he had only ten minutes left until his anthropology class began. Quickly he packed his things and left his office.

As he rushed over the place between the buildings a woman in Starfleet Admiral's uniform caught his eye and he stopped in his tracks.

"Kathryn," he said surprised.

She turned to him and he gasped in horror. She was still pale, the rings under her eyes were deeper than the last time and she was awfully thin.

"Chakotay," she said quiet, almost shy, and blushed.

"Kathryn is everything okay?" His hand reached out but he didn't dare to touch her. "When did you come back? You didn't call."

"Oh, a few days ago." She waved with her hand dismissively.

"A few days and you didn't call. Why?"

"I'm sorry. I forgot," she glanced away.

"You forgot? Kathryn! What is wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

He sighed. He had to go but something was wrong with her and he didn't want to leave her alone.

"Do you have dinner plans?" he asked.

"No."

"Would you like to join me? I'll cook."

"No. Thank you," she said, still avoiding his eyes.

"Kathryn?"

"I'm sorry Chakotay. I have to work." She looked at him and for the first time after the debriefings he saw the captain's mask again and noticed that he hadn't missed it at all.

"Kathryn…"

"I'll call you," she said coldly and left. He stood there and watched her walking away until he remembered that his class was waiting.

=/\=

She didn't call for another four days and he couldn't wait any longer. Yes, sometimes everybody needs time on their own but this was different and enough was enough, he decided as he used his override code to get in her apartment after he had chimed fifth times without response.

Slowly he walked into the dim-lighted stillness.

"Kathryn?" he called out. "It's me, Chakotay. Are you here?"

It was a rhetorical question. He knew she was home, he had seen her coming. He walked on and peeked into her dark living room but there was no sign of her.

Slowly he entered her kitchen. A cup with cold coffee stood on the counter, untouched. She stood motionless at the window and stared at the rain outside.

"Kathryn…," he exhaled, helpless.

She didn't react.

"Kathryn, please talk to me. What is wrong?" he pleaded and took a few steps towards her. "You've been so quiet the last few weeks."

She shook her head slightly and he couldn't understand her behavior. "Kathryn... please…"

He made one last step. Her eyes were fixed on the raindrops which were running down the glass.

Silently they stood in their usual position they had on Voyager, he right behind her.

He looked out of her window. The view was depressing. Heavy grey clouds lay above San Francisco and it rained endlessly. Normally you could see the Golden Gate Bridge from this window, today you could barely see the next house.

Kathryn breathed deeply and Chakotay knew she was searching for the right words, he just had to wait.

The raindrops pattered loudly against the glass.

"I want a baby," Kathryn whispered and Chakotay thought he didn't hear right.

"What?" he swallowed hard.

"I want a baby," she said quietly but it cut, to Chakotay, like a knife through the air.

His mind struggled and he didn't know how to respond. She had never mentioned that she wanted a baby. In the Delta Quadrant it wasn't an opportunity. She had always said that she didn't have the luxury as captain to have a family. She didn't even give herself the luxury for a relationship with a man.

A man!? She needed a man for a baby! Had she met a man? A man she had hidden from him?

"Chakotay?" She turned around to see that he was totally stunned. "What do you think?"

He shook his head to clear his mind. "A baby? Why?" he choked out and had to clear his throat before he could speak again. "I mean why now?"

"I don't know for sure. Before Voyager I didn't want a child. But the Delta Quadrant turned my life upside down like the lives of our entire crew. And now…"

"Now?"

"Miral."

"Miral?"

A tiny smile tugged at her lips. "Do you remember the weekend before I left?"

"Of course."

"On this weekend I became aware of something. I suddenly knew that I am only responsible for my own life. That our crew is safe and sound, that they don't need me anymore. I noticed that I can do whatever I want. And as I said, before we got stranded I didn't want a child but as soon as I couldn't have one I realized what I would be missing. I saw Sam with Naomi…," her eyes drifted to a point in her past. "Of course I couldn't have a family in the Delta Quadrant and I thought I would never even have the opportunity again," she said sadly before looking at him. "But I have now. And as I spent time with Miral these thoughts and feelings came back."

He looked quizzically at her and she sighed, searching for the right words. "It may sound confusing and I can't really explain it," she rubbed her face with one hand. "It's like a desire. As I noticed that I have this desire I needed to think. Needed to get to know what I really want but I know it's now or never. I don't have much more time anymore."

"Why?"

She cocked her head and smirked. "Why? Because I'm too old!"

"You're not."

"I am. And if you would think clearly you would know it."

He glanced in the rain and hesitated. "Who is he? Do I know him?" he asked quietly without looking at her.

"Who?"

He turned his head to face her. "The father. You need a man for a baby."

She pressed her lips together but he saw the smile she tried to suppress. "You know him."

"I know him? Are you sure?" he said surprised.

"Yes."

"Someone from Starfleet?"

She nodded without hesitation.

"Voyager?"

"Yes." Her, now evident, smile confused him.

"From Voyager? I know they aren't your subordinates anymore but do you think it's a good idea?" He glanced outside again and quickly suppressed the upwelling jealousy. "I mean love goes its own path, you can't control it…," he shrugged.

"I'm not in love with this man."

His head shot around. " _What_? You want a baby from a man you don't love? That doesn't sound like you Kathryn. Or…" He looked at her belly. "Are you already…?"

"Oh, no!" She waved his comment away.

"Then explain it to me."

"I want a baby with my best friend," she admitted sheepish while her smile reached her eyes.

"You can't really mean it, Kathryn…," he said without recognizing what she had said.

"Why not?"

"You can't have a baby with a man you don't… wait!" His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "Your best friend? You mean…," his voice came to an end.

"You," she completed for him.

He stood frozen, shocked, and she gave him time to let the information sink in but noticed quickly that he wasn't able to think anymore and helped him. "You don't have to decide it right now. But please think about it."

He didn't trust his voice, his throat was too dry, so he only nodded slowly.

"A tea?" she asked and he nodded again.

She recycled her coffee cup and replicated a new one and a tea. Together they sat at her little kitchen table.

He nipped at his tea and noticed that she was watching him.

"You caught me off guard with this, you know that?" he asked as he got his bearings back.

"Yes. I'm sorry." She gave him an apologizing glance and smelled her coffee.

"That's why you were so quiet through the last weeks…," he said in realization.

"Yes. There was only one thing left in my head and I'm glad that I finally got it out."

He nodded at her. "I understand but it's not so easy."

"I know."

"I need time. I don't know how long."

"I know. I thought about this a lot through the last weeks and I made this decision not out of a whim."

"Did you go to Vulcan to think?"

"Yes. I needed time on my own to order my mind and to know what I want in my life."

"And you want a baby…"

"Yes, I want a baby but if you have doubts we will not do it. I won't blame you."

He sighed. "But it means a lot to you."

"Yes, but you need two for a baby."

"You could do it without me."

"No."

"You could. There are a lot of possibilities for women to…"

" _No_ ," she interrupted him. "Not for me."

He frowned at her.

"I only want yours. If you don't want it, I won't have a child."

"That comment doesn't make it easier for me…"

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't make your decision based on me."

"Kathryn…"

" _No_ , Chakotay. You have to think about it carefully for yourself and not decide based on my crazy feelings."

"Kathryn I have to take your feelings into account." He laid his hand on hers. "Even if I'd never thought you have _crazy_ feelings."

"I have. I just hide them most of the time," she shrugged.

He grinned and got serious again. "I promise my decision won't depend on it."

"I have to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"That you didn't say outright no."

"You're my best friend. I owe you a lot and I will never hurt you," he smiled and squeezed her hand.

She returned his smile, thinking about a little girl or boy with such cute dimples.


	4. Questions

Chakotay lay awake in his bed and couldn't sleep. His mind spun weird and crazy thoughts.

This morning his life had been well-ordered. He had known what he wanted to do today. He had known what he wanted to do tomorrow. He had even known what he wanted do next week. He liked his job, he had Sekaya and the lovely Voyager family, great friends and he had found a woman in whom he was interested.

Anne! He had wanted to tell Kathryn today but had forgotten it. It was Kathryn who had talked him into something more with Anne and now… now she wanted a baby with him.

This seemed so unreal and if he hadn't seen how serious she was he could easily think it was a prank. Probably from Tom.

A baby… What would it mean for them, for their friendship?

A child would keep them together and apart at the same time. He would be suddenly responsible for a new life. Or wouldn't he?

What if Kathryn didn't want him in the child's life? What if she only wanted his DNA and wanted him to stay a close friend to his child? Could he accept this part?

No, he thought. If he agreed he wanted to be involved in the child's life as much as Kathryn was.

Suddenly a dream came to his mind. A dream he hadn't thought of in years.

He often dreamed on Voyager that when they got back he would marry Kathryn and build a house in Indiana where they would live and raise their children. But the dream faded through their journey until he stopped dreaming of a life at her side. It was hard at first but one day he started to feel at peace with it. He dated other women but never lost the friendship with Kathryn. The opposite happened. They now shared a deeper friendship than ever before. And through time his romantic feelings for her disappeared.

What if this baby let those feelings come back and he fell in love with her again but Kathryn didn't feel the same way about him? What would that mean for him? What if he found a new partner? How could he explain it? "Hi, I'm Chakotay. I live in San Francisco and teach at Starfleet Academy. Oh, and I have a child with my best friend and former captain because she asked me to," he said sarcastically with a hint of amusement.

What if Kathryn fell in love with him but he not with her? What if she found another man and moved away with the child? Could he stand this? Could his child stand this? What if she found a man and married and his child suddenly had a deeper relationship with this man than with him. How would he feel? Could he deal with it?

To have a baby with a partner you barely knew was hard enough but with a friend it was somewhat different.

No, this cannot work, he thought. No matter how hard you work on it you can't raise a child with your friend. Both parents will find new lovers someday and a baby would make it unbearable.

A baby! This would be a real child. A little Kathryn or a little Chakotay…

He caught himself smiling and turned to lie on his side.

A little girl with blue eyes, auburn hair, freckles and, yes, dimples. Chakotay knew Kathryn would appreciate it. And when the girl grew up he would have to deal with a lot of boys who were after her.

Chakotay's smile grew. He liked this image.

And what would be if the baby were a boy? A boy with bronze skin, black hair and, of course, dimples? What could he teach him? What places could he show him? Would his son be interested in the things he showed him? What if he wasn't? Would the relationship be like the relationship between him and his father? Difficult, tense, without understanding?

This would be hard, for both. Chakotay could still remember the feeling when his father was around.

But what if his child, whether a girl or boy, liked him, liked the things he showed him or her? This could be the greatest adventure in his life with the strongest feelings he couldn't imagine yet.

His smile got brighter and reached his eyes. Somehow this sounded great. And somehow they would figure out a way to raise a child together as friends. It was Kathryn who he was thinking about and with Kathryn he always found a solution no matter how tough the topic was.

He felt a happy flutter rising in his body. Yes, he would agree and make her wish come true. They only had to have…

Sex!

Chakotay shot upright in his bed.

How had Kathryn expected to get pregnant?

Stopping his train of thoughts before they could go any further, he laid back. There were lots of ways to get pregnant that wouldn't involve having sex, he said to himself.

Breathing deeply, he decided to not make a decision right now. He had too many questions to discuss with her first.

=/\=

"Admiral, Commander Chakotay is here," Kathryn's assistant informed her over the comm.

"Thank you, Ensign. Let him in."

Kathryn closed the link and exhaled slowly. This was the first time they met after her 'proposal'. She hoped it wouldn't be awkward.

The door opened and Chakotay came in. "Hi. Are you ready?"

"Shortly," she smiled at him. "Take a seat."

He closed the door and sat down on her couch. She noticed that he behaved normally and was glad for it.

He waited patiently while she worked.

Finally she laid her PADD on her desk. "Finished."

"Wow, you didn't even need ten minutes. That's a record," he teased her.

"Very funny, Commander," she said while he laughed.

"I'm sorry, _Admiral_."

She glared at him. "We can leave."

"Yes, Mom," he imitated Tom and winced. "Ma'am, I mean Ma'am!" he corrected himself hastily but she was shocked.

"Does that mean…," she asked with wide eyes.

"NO!" He interrupted her a bit too loud. "No… I mean… I didn't… I didn't make my decision… yet."

"Oh… okay."

Both became silent and didn't know what to say. He shuffled his feet while she examined her hands.

He noticed how uncomfortable she was. "This is awkward," he said with a twinkle in his eyes to break the tension.

She rubbed her face tiredly. "It is." Dropping her hands in her lap she looked at him. "So you haven't made your decision yet?"

"No. We should talk first. I have some questions."

She nodded. "We could skip our weekly dinner and walk on the pier and talk."

"Sound good to me."

They walked out of the building and decided to walk back into the city instead of being transported.

"Ask your questions," she said as they walked the first steps on the Golden Gate Bridge.

"Is this the right setting?" he grinned. "If I ask you something you don't like to hear you push me off the bridge."

"I promise not to," she smirked, thankful that he was trying to keep the mood light.

"This is going to be tough," he said and straightened his back.

"Yes, but you can ask me anything."

"I know. I have to," he said honestly. She gave him a firm nod, hiding her uncertainty.

"Okay…," he breathed deep. "First I have to know… why me? I mean we are friends, yes, but I never even thought about doing this with a friend. I don't mean that I have to marry but at least be a couple."

"I know what you are saying, Chakotay. And I can only say that as the wish grew I somehow knew I want to make this with you. I don't know why. I don't love you… in a romantic way. I love you as a friend, my best friend."

"I'm ill."

Facing him, she gasped. "What?"

"You don't remember the crazy gene? It can't be cured."

She breathed relieved out. "But it can be suppressed."

"Yes, but I don't know if I can live with the knowledge that I have passed it on."

"You can only answer that for yourself."

"I know." He gazed over the bay to the city. "You didn't answer my question. You have a lot of opportunities. So why me?"

She hesitated. "I don't know… It's just a feeling." Breathing deeply she ordered her mind. "I have to trust this man and there's no one else I trust more than you. I know that you will never let me alone with this. Of course I know that I have other ways… but they just don't feel right."

"There's a real reason you don't want to tell me," he said, suddenly with a mischievous smile on his face.

"What?" She was confused and stopped walking.

"You only want my benefits! Admit it Kathryn," he teased her.

She put her hands on her hips and gave him a mock glance. "Oh yes, I only want you because of your dimples."

She couldn't keep a straight face as he started to grin. Smiling wide she looked down on her feet. He watched her reaction with pleasure and got caught as she looked up.

They grinned at each other for a second before they turned and walked on.

"So it's me and no one else," he whispered more to himself than to her.

"Yes."

"I don't understand it. You say you don't love me, though…"

"I know. It's crazy and weird. I don't know where it comes from."

"And you don't have feelings for me anymore? No romantic feelings?"

"No." She shook her head. "You for me?"

He faced her while they were walking. "No. But I don't know what will happen if we really do this."

She understood what he meant. The feelings they shared lay in the past but what if they came back to the surface?

"This will bring a lot of emotions…," she said quiet.

"Yes. The question is can we deal with them if they show up?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

"Me neither. But what I know is that if we really decide to make it we will succeed. We've gone through so much before. We only have to be a team."

She smiled gently at him. What had she done to deserve such a friend?

For a moment they walked silently before she spoke again. "We shouldn't say 'it' or 'that' anymore."

"Huh?"

"We should say 'baby' or 'child'. If we are not able to say out loud what we are talking about it doesn't seem real."

"You are right. We are talking about a possible human being after all."

"A human being…," she repeated. "Can you imagine it? I mean a child?"

"Yes. If I couldn't we wouldn't be talking about it. My first intention was to say no. But as I started to imagine it… felt good."

"Really?" She smiled surprised at him.

"Yes," he nodded. "That brings us to my next question. I think as long as we are alone it will be okay. But what if, and hopefully it will be so, one of us has a new partner? How could we explain it? We can't try to get a baby while we are in a relationship."

"But we aren't in a relationship right now and a lot people have children and break up and meet new people. That's nothing unusual."

"Yeah…," he tugged at his earlobe.

"Chakotay?"

"I haven't told you yet but…"

"Have you met someone?"

"Yes," he breathed out. "You know her."

"I know her?"

"It's Anne, my realtor Anne. I met her coincidentally in our bar and asked her for a date and we went out as you were on Vulcan. I wanted to tell you the other day but you confused me so much that I forgot it."

"Oh…"

"It was nothing special. It was nice. Does it make you uncomfortable when I tell you that?"

"No. We've often talked about such things before. I just didn't know."

"But this baby topic makes you vulnerable. Admit it, Kathryn," he glanced at her and she shrugged sheepishly. He laid his arm around her shoulder and squeezed it. "Maybe you should know that you always come first."

"Thank you," she said touched.

He pulled his arm away and took deep breath. "Now I have to ask the toughest question of all…"

"Ask."

"How do you want to have the baby?"

"The normal way I thought."

He swallowed and suddenly felt very warm. She saw him fiddling with his collar and didn't understand his nervousness. Was he afraid of giving birth?

"Do you think it's a good idea?"

"Yes of course."

"Really?"

"Why do you ask?" She frowned. "Do you think I'm too old or that I couldn't handle the situation?"

"No! I would never even think that."

"Then tell me why I shouldn't have it the normal way."

"It would test our friendship extremely."

She shook her head in disbelief. "The whole thing will test our friendship."

"Yeah… but…," he struggled. "…having… you know… make it even harder."

"Having a baby," she spoke for him.

"Huh?" He glanced surprised at her. "I mean… sex, Kathryn," he corrected her.

"You mean… oh!" She blushed. "Oh… yes… I thought… I thought you were talking about… giving birth… but you were talking about how I want to get… oh…"

"That's why I said it's is going to be the toughest question."

"You think I want to conceive it the normal way…"

"Oh… yeah, conceive explains it better."

"That's why you thought we can't be in a relationship while we are trying to… oh... yes… that would be horrible."

"How do you want to… conceive… a baby?"

"I don't know. I didn't think about that yet."

"You didn't think about it?"

"I thought more about what will be when the baby is born."

She got silent and he saw how her brain worked so he let his gaze wander. The unique colors of the Golden Gate Bridge shone brightly in the sunset.

How many people have passed this bridge through the last 350 years, he thought. What stories have they shared, what problems discussed or have they just admired the beautiful landscape?

The bridge had seen so much through the years… the Second and Third World War, severe earthquakes, the building of Starfleet Headquarters, the Breen attack, its rebuilding and finally the great comeback of the U.S.S. Voyager.

Chakotay suddenly realized he was a part of the bridge history. And now he and Kathryn were discussing a life changing topic on this bridge.

Even if Earth wasn't his home planet he felt very devoted to her. He didn't want to live elsewhere again. This big, blue ball was his home. He knew since his mother told him about Earth and showed him pictures of the planet. He knew here on Earth would be his fate and he always thought it was Starfleet but what if his fate was the woman next to him and the baby that didn't even exist?

He sighed almost inaudibly.

He met a beautiful, intelligent woman but the only woman he could think of was Kathryn. It was and always would be Kathryn. He compared every woman with her. Every woman had to challenge her. And every other woman lost. Kathryn was always the winner, the winner of his heart.

He suppressed the urge to jerk. What if he loved her and didn't even notice it? What if Tom was right? What if everybody saw it except him?

Deep inside him he knew that no woman could ever win against Kathryn.

"Chakotay?" her voice pulled him back in present.

"Yes."

"I think you are right. To have sex wouldn't be good."

He stopped himself from replying naughtily. "I'm glad you see it the same way."

"I think the Doctor can show us other opportunities."

"You're probably right."

"Do you have other questions?" she asked quickly to change the topic.

"Of course, where do you want to live for example. Or we live…"

"We're going to live in the same building as soon as you move," she frowned. "So we'll be close."

"Yes, right."

She noticed that he was a little disappointed. "Did you think of something else?"

Indiana…, he thought. "No. That sounds reasonable."

"More questions?"

"Yes. We will do this together?"

"Yes of course."

"I mean you will be the mother and I will be the father."

"Didn't we discuss it the whole time?"

"Yes…"

"Then what do you mean?"

"I mean… I will be the father. Not only biological. I will be the father and our child will know it and I will spend time with him or her as much as you do."

"Of course, Chakotay. I never thought differently." She was visibly touched that he thought she wanted to exclude him but it never occurred to her. "We are doing this together; absolutely and completely. We will be both responsible, you and I."

"Good," he smiled relieved at her.

"That brings us to another point I have thought about… how should we explain it to our friends? Should we lie?"

"That's a good point. I didn't think about it."

"Wow," she said playfully. "Something I've thought about that you haven't."

"We shouldn't lie."

"Yes, but what shall we tell them? The truth?"

"I don't know. It depends on what we are telling our child. If we lie to him or her we should lie to our families and friends or the child will find out. If the child knows the truth we can tell everyone the truth." She nodded. "But I think our child deserves the truth. We could just change it a little bit."

"We need a very good excuse if everyone should believe it."

"That won't be easy."

"Yes. There would be only one person except for us who will know the whole truth."

"The Doctor."

"Yes and I think first of all we have to find out if it's still possible for me to get pregnant or if we are talking about something that's impossible."

"Shall I make a date with him?"

She nodded thankful at him.

"Okay, and after that we'll talk more."

She agreed and he turned their conversation to a casual topic.

=/\=

Kathryn and Chakotay met in front of Starfleet Medical for their appointment with the Doctor. Chakotay didn't tell him what he and Kathryn had in their minds. It would probably be a big surprise for him.

"Come in," the Doctor called out. "Admiral, Commander! Please come and sit down," he said cheerful as he saw his former command officers.

"Hello, Doctor," Kathryn said and sat down.

Chakotay greeted him with a nod and sat down beside her. The Doctor took his place behind his desk.

"What can I do for you? You sounded very mysterious."

Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged an uncertain glance.

"Doctor…," Kathryn started. "You are not allowed to tell anybody what we discuss with you now."

"Of course not," he looked surprised from Kathryn to Chakotay.

"You won't talk to anyone. Not even another doctor," Kathryn said firmly.

"Yes, okay. What is wrong?" he asked concerned, the two never behaved so weird and tense before.

Kathryn breathed deeply. "I want to know if it's still possible for me to get pregnant."

The Doctor's jaw dropped and he looked with wide eyes at them. "I understand…," he said, trying to sound normal. "I'll have to run several tests. But first… may I ask you a question… a personal question?"

"Of course."

"How long have you been… together? I mean we all didn't know!"

"We are not… together, Doctor," Kathryn enlightened him. "We just want to have a baby. Maybe," she added quickly.

"You aren't a couple." He looked unbelieving from one to the other. "But you want a baby. Together. But only maybe. Do I understand you right?"

She nodded. "Yes, Doctor. We know it sounds crazy and we don't even know if we will really do it but we want to know if it's still possible and hear the opportunities we have to get pregnant."

"Without having sex," Chakotay chimed in.

"Yes. Without having sex," Kathryn agreed.

"Ah! I understand." The Doctor beamed with joy that the two came with such a personal topic to him. "Let's see. You want to get pregnant without an intimate relationship? No problem!"

The following thirty-five minutes the Doctor explained long and wide the advantages of artificial insemination, which seemed to them all to be the best way.

He was so happy and excited that he didn't notice how many amused or embarrassed or uncertain glances his former command team exchanged during his explanation.

"Thank you, Doctor." Kathryn was relieved as the Doctor's speech ended. "I will be here on Thursday for the examination."

"Great and if you have more questions, my door is open twenty-four hours a day."

Both nodded and wished him goodbye.

As they stood in front of the building Kathryn breathed hearable out. "The Doctor likes the sound of his own voice."

"Oh, yes," Chakotay laughed and added serious. "He gave us a lot to think about."

Kathryn nodded silently.

"Do you want me to join you on Thursday?"

"No. I would rather go alone, if it's okay with you."

"Of course it is. But please call me as soon as you know something. I'm concerned when I don't hear from you."

"I'll call you. I promise."

She called him right after she got the results. It was still possible for her to get pregnant. Chakotay wasn't sure if this were good or bad news. He wasn't able to admit it but this had been his safety net. If he now decided to say no, it's only because he didn't want to and he didn't know what it would do to her.

They avoided each other through the following two weeks. Kathryn often worked long and he took his time to think.

On a Friday he called her. He had news.

"I'm going on an anthropology mission with my class," he told her.

"Will you miss Voyagers first anniversary?"

"No. We'll be back three days before the party. And then I'll you what I've decided."

She gasped surprised.

"I haven't decided yet," he said as her saw her reaction. "But I set me a time limit until Voyager's anniversary."

"You don't have to put yourself under pressure, Chakotay," she assured him.

"I know and I took my time but if I don't set a date I'll never decide."

"So it's Voyager's anniversary," she asked quietly.

"It is Voyager's anniversary."


	5. A special day

It was May the first. Voyager's first anniversary.

Kathryn stood in front of one of the buildings at the Presidio, looking at the large doors.

She hesitated to go inside. Most of her crew was already in there, she knew, except of her first officer.

He had called her four days ago, telling her that they'd faced an ion storm which kept them behind their schedule. He promised to do everything to make it in time, but failed. Kathryn didn't know if she should be glad or disappointed.

Through the last three weeks she tried to keep herself busy though she caught herself often staring at a distant point, thinking about Chakotay. As time went by she noticed that her thoughts got darker. Right after she'd told him about her wish she was excited and cheerful but now she felt numb when her thoughts drifted away. Maybe it was better that he wasn't here tonight, she thought but shook her head immediately, no he is still Voyager's first officer and he should be here on this special date no matter what we want to discuss in private.

She pulled herself together, straightened her back and smoothed her long dress into place in attempt to enter the building. Just as she was ready to go someone stepped beside her.

"Tuvok!" Kathryn said surprised.

"Admiral," he said with a nod.

"It's nice to see you. How are you?"

"You know that my illness has been treated successfully," he stated as a matter of fact.

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "I know that, Tuvok. This was mere a rhetorical question."

Voyager's former chief of security raised an eyebrow and decided to not pursue this human attitude. "May I join you?" he asked, turning to the doors.

Instead of an answer Kathryn took his arm and they walked in together. Most of her crew was indeed already in the huge ballroom and chatted happily with each other. Tuvok left her side and she made her way through the crowd alone, greeted her former crew and talked a little. Everyone was so excited that no one noticed that she wasn't in a party mood. Only one would, she thought.

The party was in full swing but Kathryn stood alone at a window, her eyes on Voyager outside, her thoughts miles away, as she felt a familiar feeling. She didn't have to see him. She knew he was there, watching her. Slowly she looked over her shoulder and there he was. Standing in a black tuxedo at the entrance and greeted her through the room with a nod and a smile. She couldn't help herself and smiled back.

He made his decision, she thought. Of course he had, he would never break his word.

Anxiety tensed her body. She had babysat Miral last week once again and it was pure joy and the urge to experience it with her own child, hers and Chakotay's, grew larger, almost unbearable.

But what if his answer was no?

She felt her stomach turning into a knot and nausea floated through her.

She didn't think he would make it in time but now he was here, in this room full of people and she didn't know how to behave when he was near. Panicked, she fled.

He didn't see her leave, B'Elanna had distracted him, but he knew where she went when she wanted to be alone. And at the expression on her face he had easily seen that she wanted to be alone. He knew why she had left. She feared his decision. The decision he made scared him too.

=/\=

She showed no sign of reaction as she heard the turbolift doors open. She knew there was only one person who would come up here.

He saw her where he had expected her, sitting in the captain's chair, gazing at the black view screen.

"Chakotay," she whispered to announce him.

"Kathryn…," he whispered back and walked his way to the first officer chair and sat down.

"You are back," she noticed quietly like it was something new.

"I am."

He knew she was nervous but he had to tell her. He breathed deeply and she sensed his nervousness. Her heart hammered in her chest. He had decided not to have a child with her, she felt it. Tears were forming in her eyes. What in the world made her want it so badly?

"Kathryn…," he said softly without looking at her while a brave tear ran down her cheek. "I can't do it."

She pressed her lips together but couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"I have to explain it," he said with a strong voice and looked at her. "Look at me. Please."

Her head dropped and she shook it.

"Kathryn, please." He took her hand and squeezed it. His other hand wandered beneath her chin and made her look at him. She felt terribly vulnerable as he saw her tearful face.

"Kathryn, I can't have a baby with you. Our friendship is too important to me. And I hope you understand."

She cocked her head and her lips trembled. He raised his hand from her chin and placed it on her cheek to wipe the tears with his thumb away.

"Kathryn," he said gently and she sobbed. He had never seen her so sad and it broke his heart, though he knew this was the right way.

He breathed deeply. "Kathryn," he said firmly and pulled her with him as he stood up.

"Chakotay... no," she tried to avoid his actions.

"No, Kathryn. Don't stop me. I have to do this," he replied.

Hesitantly she looked up at him. They were standing in the middle of the bridge; their bridge. The bridge of the U.S.S. Voyager, the bridge where they'd met eight years ago.

"Kathryn, I can't have a baby with you," he said with a slight shake of his head. She sobbed again but stood his gaze. "But…," he started to smile all over his face and took her other hand too. "I see an opportunity."

Her surprise was visibly on her face. "What?" she choked.

He closed his eyes for a moment to find his courage and finally dropped to one knee.

Her jaw dropped. "Chakotay…?" she said warily.

"Kathryn… the problem is I _want_ a baby with you. But I also want so much more. I want to experience this with you together. Completely, all inclusive." He smiled bright at her. "The last few weeks were horrible only because you weren't at my side. I need you. And I want to have a family with you. You know I fell for you eight years ago when I met you on this bridge. You've brought life into my life… you've brought peace into my life. Your needs comes first. Always. It has nothing to do with being your first officer. It has something to do with love." She gasped almost inaudibly. "I love you, Kathryn Janeway. I now know I've never stopped loving you. You stubborn, petite, wonderful, beautiful, adorable, strong, wise, smart woman captured my heart and never gave it back. I love you and I want a baby with you. So I asked you here where everything began: Kathryn Janeway will you marry me? Will you let me satisfy your wish, our wish?"

His heart skipped a beat but after only a blink of an eye her face fell and she pulled her hands out of his, took a step backwards and turned around.

He wasn't surprised. He'd expected it.

"Kathryn," he pleaded and got back on his feet.

"No, Chakotay," she hissed and turned her head angry at him. "How do you think this marriage would look like?" she blurted the words in his direction.

"I can tell you."

"Go ahead." She turned fully to him with her arms across her chest and glared at him.

"I thought about your wish. I thought very carefully. And suddenly pictures came in my mind from long ago. A dream I hadn't dreamed in years. But it felt good, it felt right."

"Explain."

"I dreamed of spending my life with you, of having a family with you. You want a child with me now… I want a child with you. I wanted it for years. Now I can make my dream come true. It doesn't mean that I want to force you into a marriage but I simply can't leave my emotions, my feelings for you aside. It would destroy me, having a child with you and just being your friend. I noticed through the last weeks that I can barely breathe without you. I need you. Your question brought my feelings for you back to the surface and I'm glad it did. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want it since I know you. I want to live with you… in Indiana."

"Indiana?" she repeated astonished and her face softened. "I never thought you would like that."

"You never asked."

"I never thought you would like to live in Indiana…"

"But I would. I would build us a house close to your mother's in Bloomington."

"Really?"

"Yes. A log cabin."

Her eyes widened at the memories. "That would be great…," she whispered. "Can I have a garden with vegetables?" Her eyes started to twinkle.

He laughed joyfully. "Of course, but only with Talaxian tomatoes."

"Sure. Those are the best," she shrugged.

"We can have a huge backyard full of Talaxian tomato plants."

"Don't forget the bathtub!"

"I would never forget the bathtub. What about a monkey?"

"No monkey. I have you." She grinned at him and he noticed with increasing delight that she seemed to change her answer.

"Okay, one monkey is enough."

"Will I go to work every day?"

"Yes."

"And you?"

"I'll stay at home and have dinner ready when you arrive."

She smiled widely. "No, that wouldn't fit you. And what would the cadets do without you?"

"I wouldn't be for long… only about eighteen years."

"Do we visit the rubber tree people?"

He rolled his eyes. "Only if we take camping trips."

She rolled her eyes in return but agreed. "Okay."

She smiled silently at him and he watched the emotions flicker over her face.

"That sounds wonderful."

"Then let us do it."

"I can't, Chakotay," she said sadly and he knew exactly why.

"You don't understand me. I want to _marry_ you. I know what you have gone through and I know that you think if you say yes you would lose me, but I say I want to marry you, not be engaged."

"What does that mean?" She frowned. "Does that mean…," her eyes widened. "Here and now?"

"Yes. Here and now. I have arranged everything but it's your decision."

She was stunned for some time before she looked openly at him. "We will live in Indiana?"

He nodded.

"And we will plant tomatoes in our yard?"

"Only Talaxian, yes," he grinned and his eyes danced.

"And we will take camping trips and visit the rubber tree people?"

"Of course," he grimaced.

The noise of her deep, happy belly laugh filled the bridge. He loved it when she laughed this way. He always thought she should laugh more often.

He watched her with pleasure until her laugh subsided.

"And we will have a baby?" she asked now quietly.

"We will have as many babies as you want."

Slowly she turned around and walked a few steps to think while he waited for her.

"Chakotay…," she said after several minutes with a mischievous sound in her voice before she turned to face him.

"Yes?" He recognized a familiar shimmer in her eyes while she walked to him.

"Ask me again."

"Is that an order?" he teased her.

She cocked her head and gave him a playful death glance. "Watch what you say!"

He smiled a large, dimpled smile at her. With a playful groan and a hand on his back he got down on his knee. "I'm not so young anymore," he winked and took her hands.

"Very funny… do this seriously please," she responded.

"Yes, Ma'am." He cleared his throat loudly. "Kathryn Janeway, will you marry me?" he asked solemnly.

"Yes," she nodded firmly. "Oh, yes Chakotay. Yes!"

He couldn't believe this was really happening. He jumped up and hugged her.

"Kathryn, you don't know what this means to me," he said as the tears were streaming down his cheeks like they did on her face. He buried his nose in her hair and smelled her scent. "You make my wildest dreams come true."

"And you mine."

As they finally pulled away they wiped the tears out of their faces.

"Now I'm curious what you have planned."

He tapped his combadge. "Chakotay to briefing room. We are ready."

She shook her head unbelieving as the doors opened. "This cannot be true," she whispered as three people emerged the briefing room. Admiral Paris, Tom and B'Elanna. Did she really see a jump in B'Elannas step?

"Admiral, would you give us the honor?" Chakotay asked as the three stood in front of them.

"Of course, Commander." He turned to Kathryn. "Is that what you want, too?"

"Yes, Admiral," she said. "And Tom…"

"Yeah?"

"Will you be my maid of honor?"

"As long as I don't have to wear one of those crazy dresses… yes Kathryn," he winked.

"And you B'Elanna, will you be my best man?" Chakotay asked his former chief engineer.

"Of course, old man."

"Let us begin." Admiral Paris walked in front of the console between the command chairs and Tom stood behind Kathryn while B'Elanna walked behind Chakotay.

Chakotay and Kathryn looked at each other and he took her hands again.

"We meet here today to celebrate the marriage of Voyager's former command team Chakotay and Kathryn. As Starfleet Admiral and one of Kathryn's mentors and friends Chakotay asked me to give them the honor and join them. But before I declare these two husband and wife both will speak a vow."

Kathryn looked fearfully surprised at Chakotay and Owen.

"Don't be afraid, the spontaneous spoken words are often the best," Owen assured her. "Chakotay," Owen gave him the word.

"Kathryn. Eight and a half years ago I met you. Here where we stand now. I saw a woman on my view screen who told me her name was Kathryn Janeway and that she was the captain of the Federation starship Voyager. She told me she was missing a member of her crew and asked me if he had beamed to my ship. I refused and told her that I was missing a member of my crew too. She suggested that we search for them together and a moment later I stood in front of her. I stood in front of _you_. You seemed so strong and proud and I was fascinated, mesmerized by your appearance. You've had me. You've had me from the very first moment. As you asked me to be your first officer I knew I would do whatever I could to ease your burden and stay loyal at your side. And through time I got to know the woman behind the captain and she became my best friend though I was already deeply in love with her. I began to dream of you. But I didn't dream about something special. I dreamed of having a day-to-day relationship with you. And that is special. Because you are special. I'd never thought I would like to be married and have a family. Until I met you. I can't promise an everlasting love and only sunny days but I _can_ promise to love you everyday anew, care for you, hold your hand and be at your side no matter what will happen until death do us part."

She smiled under happy tears.

"Kathryn," Owen gave her the word.

She breathed deep to find her voice. "Chakotay. You don't know what this here means to me. You know me so well. You know me better than I know myself. And that's scary!" She gave him a laugh and winked. "You know my wishes before I know them. You know my fears. You surprise me on every new day and at the same time I know I can count on you more than one-hundred percent. I trust you like I've never trusted a man before. I had no idea how kind and peaceful the Maquis rebel could be I was sent to search and arrest. Your intelligence file doesn't fit you at all." She chuckled but sobered quickly. "I can't say that I fell in love the first time I saw you. But I _can_ say that it wasn't because you didn't fascinate me, you did! It was simply because I didn't allow myself to fall in love with you. For seven long years you stood at my side. You became my best friend and you were the only person whom I could speak to without being the captain. And I know some people didn't understand that I kept you at arm's length… that there was nothing more than friendship between us but I know you did and that's all that matters. I'm glad we are free now and I want to know everything about you and I want to tell you everything about me. You can't imagine how thankful I am that Starfleet sent me after you. I will love you for the rest of my life. I will care for you… even if you get old and crazy. I promise to stay at your side until death do us part."

He smiled all over his face and his heart skipped several beats.

"Chakotay, do you want to marry Kathryn?"

"Yes," he gave her one of his dimpled grins.

"And Kathryn, do you want to marry Chakotay?"

"Yes," she whispered and couldn't wait to kiss him and leaned slightly forward.

"Not so impatiently, Katie," Owen smirked. Kathryn gave Chakotay an apologizing glance and leaned back. "There is one thing missing. Or better two." He looked at his daughter-in-law and B'Elanna gave him the rings Chakotay had given her earlier. Owen handed Kathryn and Chakotay each a ring.

Kathryn studied it carefully and smiled at Chakotay. "They are beautiful."

Slowly, with shaky hands, she pat the ring on his finger after he had slipped it on hers.

"Commander Chakotay, Admiral Kathryn Janeway, with the power invested in me by Starfleet Command and the United Federation of Planets I now pronounce you husband and wife." Owen declared proud. "And now Chakotay kiss her before she finally loses her patience."

Kathryn didn't even think about giving Owen a death glance. The only thing she was interesting in were the lips of her former first officer, best friend and now husband. She couldn't believe their first kiss would be in front of Owen Paris and Tom and B'Elanna.

Chakotay leaned into her and slid his hands through her hair like he had often dreamed of. She pulled her arms around his waist as he drew closer and finally their lips met. Even if the touch was soft, he felt her body responding while his tongue gently asked for access. She eagerly opened her mouth to let his tongue explore her mouth. She forgot the audience and her tongue found her way in his mouth. Waves of electric sensation crashed through his body as he felt her last walls breaking.

Gasping for air they pulled away.

He stared in her eyes and couldn't believe it. He just married Kathryn Janeway.

She tried to catch her breath while she looked with wide, amazed eyes in his.

"Congratulations," Tom interrupted their eye contact and hugged Kathryn as she turned to him.

"Thank you, Tom," she said with a trembling voice.

B'Elanna hugged Chakotay. "Congratulations. And thank you…"

"Thank me?"

"I've just won a bet."

Tom gasped and put one hand on his forehead. "Yeah right! I forgot."

Kathryn chuckled and shook her head amused.

Owen shook Chakotay's hand and congratulated him.

"Thank you, Sir."

Then he hugged Kathryn. "I am proud of you Katie," he whispered in her ear.

She smiled at him as they stepped apart.

"And what do you want to do now?" Tom asked mischievously with a big grin.

Chakotay and Kathryn smiled knowingly at each other. "Goodbye, Tom," Kathryn patted his shoulder without further explanation and Chakotay took her hand and together they walked to the turbolift.

"Kathryn…," Chakotay started as the turbolift doors closed.

"Yes?"

"Can we make our baby the normal way now?"

She laughed happily. "I never wanted anything else!"

 _The End_  
 _…_  
 _?_

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! And thanks to everyone who wrote a review. I truly appreciate it.**

 **I couldn't let it end here so I wrote a second part. It's called 'Wishes and reality'. You'll find it on my profile page.**


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